The loss of the hair on my head is a current side effect of the chemotherapy drugs.  I’ve been told by other breast cancer survivors to not be surprised if I lose my eyebrows.  After doing some research, I found out that the brows could go much later, even after chemotherapy ends.  Most women choose to pencil their brows in.  This has brought me some concern because the idea of trying to draw two symmetrical arches on my face just doesn’t seem possible. Unfortunately, when it comes to make-up, I have the dexterity of a three year old.

I thought I had found my salvation when I ordered some eyebrow stencils on the internet. In reality they look like Joan Crawford style brows. Women would be pulling their children off the street and running for the bomb shelters if I walked around in public with those brows.

A friend told me about someone she knew who had gotten her eyebrows tattooed on after chemo treatments and it looked great.  Immediately my brain started working and in the blink of an eye I had the perfect master plan.

Portland is a city full of very creative individuals.  You cannot swing a dead cat by the tail without hitting a tattoo artist.  Of course, I wouldn’t go to Portland with a dead cat, but I think a well-sedated one would work just as well.  Upon finding the tattooer, I would schedule a consultation while I still had my brows. I could take my Pantone color chip book (a printer’s guide to color, like a paint swatch book) and we could pick a color.  This artist could see the shape of my brows, placement and maybe draw a sketch, take photos and whatever else.  Then, when I lost my brows, I’d go in and let the artist work his or her magic.  It just seems like the perfect plan and I certainly expected everyone else to be as excited as I was with this plan.

I was currently getting chemo drips when, with great enthusiam, I shared my fabulous idea with DH (dear husband).

Me:  I was thinking of having my eyebrows tattooed
DH:  Not a good idea, they are worried about infection while you are having chemo.
Me:  Not now silly, after chemo – that’s when I’ll lose my brows.
DH:  Sounds like a bad plan, what happens when the brows grow back, you could have double eye brows, and then you’ll be committed to shaving your real brows the rest of your life.
Me:  I don’t see the problem . . .
DH:  Just get some Groucho Marx glasses, they have built in brows.

Shortly after that conversation, my oncologist comes in with the labs.  She also mentioned that she didn’t want me to get my teeth cleaned until after chemo (that’s a story I’ll save for another post).  She asked me if I had any other concerns.  Undeterred by the denial of teeth cleaning, I smiled and started my pitch.

Me:  I was thinking of getting some eyebrows tattooed on.
Dr.:  What happens if you end up with double eyebrows? Besides you don’t know if you are going to lose your brows. If you lose them, you will only be without for six months or so. I don’t think that’s a good idea.

So there stand two nurses and a doctor looking at me like I had been caught squirting Cheese Whiz straight out of the can into my mouth and DH sits there with a smug look on his face.  Is this what I’m going to look like at the end of chemo?

A bridge player with a red wig, dry skin, chemo brain and Groucho Marx glasses all add up to this lovely sight.

Today is a good day!